Wednesday, May 05, 2010
What I Think About While at Church
On Sunday my boys were squirming more than I imagine the pew manufacturers had anticipated. I wondered what their tolerances were for three- and five-year-olds. I also wondered if the pews were designed 40 years ago when people were generally more slender and would collapse underneath my 21st century bulk or comically tilt into the air if I sat too far to one side. I started thinking about the types of tests pew manufacturers could conduct to ensure a quality product. Maybe they take a similar approach to mattress manufacturers and repeatedly lower robotic models of people's posteriors onto a sample pew until it breaks. I then wondered about the engineer who graduated from college, found work at a place that makes church pews, and then found himself designing robotic posteriors to study the failure pattern of same. One day your in college studying materiel's science and the next your an expert on stochastic pressure patterns exerted by church-goer's rumps on polyester reinforced foam cushions. I then wondered what percentage of our snack crackers I could eat before I had to admit they were for me and not for the kids.
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4 comments:
Good sermon, huh?
I notice this was written following a Fast Sunday.
Sadly, the test weights probably don't have to be posterior shaped. And the engineers were probably lazy enough to make pews that are much stronger than they need to be. For just a few extra bucks of wood make it so it can hold an elephant. (It'll be heavier, too, but how often do they get moved?)
What I really want to know is why the church has vacuum cleaners that are just 1" wider than the pew spacings. So you CAN vacuum in between them, but you have to carefully approach them at just the right angle to get it to work.
My best guess is there's a direct correlation between the amount of snack crackers consumed and the creaking pew. My theory is that if you drank beer to soak up the weight of the crackers,then they would cancel each other out. Hmmmm,something to think about next week.
ha! I had a good laugh at this post. Must have been a gooooood sacrament meeting.
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